The future is here in this blog, and it’s got robots, the coolest new robotic assistants and other insane inventions, glasses that work like Tony Stark’s cutting-edge VR tech and the cutest parking lot robot you’ll ever see.
TCL Rainio X2:
If you’ve ever wanted to feel like Tony Stark but without having to save the world look no further, the TCL Rainio X2 glasses are augmented reality meaning you can finally meet your AI girlfriend, IRL.
I’m sick of regular reality so I’m happy to have an augmented one. These glasses have automatic language translation, navigation and picture-taking features. I hope they have Pokemon Go too. With these glasses you’ll see things other people can’t. It’s like schizophrenia but only the good parts. You can take pictures with them which totally doesn’t sound creepy and best of all well you wear them, you look like Rachel Maddow. Yee Light Cube Day in and day out all I can think about is how sick I am of regular old lamps. Why aren’t these lamps cube-shaped I say? Yee Light has answered my prayers and delivered us a cube-shaped smart lamp. Now these are not your grandma’s lamps, these bad boys can stack, change color and sync with music. Your grandma would pass out. You can stack these up like a Jenga tower, build a wall and make a room to cry in. So many possibilities.
HTC Vive XR Elite:
HTC Vive XR Elite Have you ever wanted to fly, go to space or talk to women? Those are all unrealistic goals except in virtual reality. The HTC Vive XR Elite is a game changer. It’s next-gen VR technology that does everything better and you don’t have to make a stupid meta account worth every penny. Usually when I use a VR headset I break my nose walking into a wall or can’t figure out how to get back to regular reality and get trapped forever in the vortex of cyberspace. With advanced motion tracking and room scale technology I’m probably safe this time. So to recap reality is the one that sucks and virtual reality is where I can meet my AI girlfriend’s parents. They’re making lasagna.
JBL Bar 1300X:
JBL Bar 1300X I don’t know about you but when I’m watching movies I want the volume up so high that anything under 50 pounds has to be bolted to the floor to keep it from flying into space. If your eardrums aren’t bruised after watching a movie did you really watch a movie? I want to hear every word, note and explosion as if it were happening next to me. I’m not saying the JBL Bar 1300X can do that but I’m also not saying that it can do that. It’s got a ton of crazy features that use science or something to make the audio from your TV sound clear loud and surround you. It would be really creepy if you were watching a scary movie.
Parky Robot:
Parky is a little robot designed to automatically connect to an electric vehicle and recharge it. It’s also so cute and I want to put a little hat on it. The idea here is that you park an electric car in a normal parking space and Parky will come over and charge it for you. He looks so sweet. I bet he charged your phone too if he asked nicely. I know it’s his job at all but I wonder if it hurts him to have his life force sucked out and put into a Tesla. Well, I guess I could ask any Tesla employee to find out. Parky would be like a service animal if we fed service animals to vampires. Okay, he’s a big battery on wheels. I need to calm down.
Charge Tree Go:
Charge Tree Go This one’s for you Apple lovers out there. Sorry, Androids. You can wait in the car with your favorite music until we’re done. Anyway, if you’re tired of fighting people for power outlets to charge three Apple devices at one time, try the charge tree go. It charges your iPhone, your AirPods and your Apple watch all at the same time. If only it could recharge my grandma’s pacemaker rest in peace but that’s her fault for having an Android pacemaker. Anyway, when you’re done with it, you can fold it up and put it away just like my grandma.
Larq Bottle Filtered:
Larq Bottle Filtered You hate the way tap water tastes or you’re in the zombie apocalypse and trying to survive on your own. Either way, drinking from the filtered lark bottle is like drinking from the fountain of Aphrodite or so I’ve been told. Hey, I’m happy as long as it doesn’t taste like it’s been an alleged pipe for the last decade. The lark bottle literally filters the water as you drink it from the straw. It removes impurities like chlorine and heavy metals giving you water purer than an unsthoth. It saves you from using disposable bottles and this way you can reuse your bathwater.
Ayo Robot Speaking:
Wait, actually don’t do that unless it’s from a gamer girl. Ayo Robot Speaking of cute robots, any chance I could download my AI girlfriend into this one? Just kidding, I already put her in a smart refrigerator. Ayo is a smart robot designed to do dangerous or dirty human tasks, freeing up time for us to watch the new Sharknado or talk to our smart fridge. Ayo is intended to be a security system, a delivery system, and even a human caretaker. Just don’t let him fall in love with another robot. I’ve seen that movie before. He might not have a pulse but he’s still equipped to care for a room full of grandmas. And let’s be real, he can probably drive better than them too.
Apeur Elite Pro Cordless Robotic Pool Cleaner:
Apeur Elite Pro Cordless Robotic Pool Cleaner Let’s keep going with the cute robots. The Apeur Elite Pro is a cordless robotic pool cleaner. I was wondering when they’d make an underwater robot vacuum cleaner. If you have an AI boyfriend, just download him into this little gadget and you just DIY’d your own sexy pool boy. Just a little more…robody. It’s a miniature version of the drones they use in the military, but instead of making messes, it cleans them up. It probably can’t clean up your pee, so you should probably stop doing that. And you should stop lying about not doing that. Don’t make this guy swim around in your pee, come on! Ecoflow Blade Alright, this little guy takes the cake. Sorry AI girlfriend, I found someone new.
This is like a cordless robotic vacuum cleaner, but for outside. This thing sweeps your lawn as it mows, which is so considerate. You can control it with an app and it has GPS monitoring, so you can find it if it gets stolen or sneaks out to go to a party. It’ll probably freak out your pets just as well as it mows, and whatever you do, don’t let it loose in a large field. It could grow too powerful, too smart, too evil, and listen, you don’t want to start the robot uprising, do ya?
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